Update your Facebook status with a Chuck Norris like joke. We've all heard Chuck Norris jokes, so why not use one as your Facebook status. You can humor your friends by updating your Facebook status with a ridiculous statement like those used in Chuck Norris jokes. Below are a few...!! Put These On Your Face-book Page or update one day- by -day.
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas
- Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- Cancel rating
- Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
- Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice
- Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
- Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
- Cancel
- Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
- Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero
- Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem: It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
- Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
- There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
- Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
- When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
- Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
- If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
- The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris.
- The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
- Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.
- We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
- According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
- When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
- Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
- Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time.
- He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
- Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
- In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
- It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
- Chuck Norris invented black. In fact he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
- When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
- If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
- Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
- When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
- Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
- Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
- Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
- When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
- He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris … dies.
- A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
- Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
- Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.
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